June, 2005
For three years my aunt had been saying to me that she would like to have a portrait painted of her 8 grandchildren. Every time she mentioned it my thoughts would get jumbled up and I just couldn't imagine composing that many people on one canvas. I don't remember really what kind of responses I had when she would start talking about it, but one day when she started talking I realized she was serious and I had better pay attention. She was asking me for a price, how much would it cost to paint something like that. I guess I must have told her I would figure it out and get back to her because I remember spending a few days with a calculator as if that was going to tell me anything. In the end, we decided on a number that worked for both of us and my journey began.
My trip to Virginia to photograph my cousin's children was filled with pleasant surprises and unexpected turns. There were 8 kids to gather up, meet for the first time, coordinate schedules, and get to know their personalities. I also had to choose a location and design a composition for the painting. All of this had to be done in 3-4 days time. I had never painted so many people in a portrait and it was getting kind of scary. I never expected to suddenly be confronted with the fear I felt inside and the strength it took to face all those people I didn't know. It also didn't help that they were not crazy about the idea they had to pose for a portrait. But by the end of the trip, I had had a great time, I had my photos of all of them and was feeling like I was privileged to have been allowed into their home to be a part of their intimate family life. They made me feel comfortable. were very cooperative and went along with all my fumbling and searching for the best concept of how to paint them all together. I finally decided to direct my focus on the several wonderful tree houses they had all built together. Now the only challenge left was to get them all there at the same time. It only happened once in the 4 days and only for about 30 minutes. But beggars can't be choosers and I was happy to have been given that half hour.
When I returned home with 900 plus shots of them and started the grueling task of sorting through the images and choosing the best expressions, poses and lighting, I was shocked to discover that the vision I saw for the painting was not in the shots. When I was photographing them it was all kind of a blur. I was sure I got many shots that would work with what I was visualizing. So I had to begin again with what I had, to compose something that would inspire me and that my aunt would love. I worked for 3 weeks everyday in photoshop, searching for just the right faces and poses. When I was finished, I thought I had the best composition I could make with all those disjointed photographs. With love and satisfaction in my heart I emailed the finished composition to my aunt. Now I only had to wait for her to see it and let me know her opinion.
July 2005To say that my aunt did not like my choice in poses would be putting it nicely. She was in no uncertain terms, unhappy about some of the poses I picked. They happened to be my favorite poses so in turn, I was unhappy too. But underneath the unhappiness there was a traumatic letdown that I had misjudged so extremely what my aunt would like. Again I was confronted with a primal fear and felt like I was in an alternate world and couldn't get my bearings. If I could just replace the figures she didn't like that would be fine but each figure was there because it worked with the entire structure of the figure placement. Now that some had to come out, I would have to start over from the beginning. I was so out of breath by this turn of events that I put the portrait away for the time being. I had no idea when I would take it out again.
August 2005
Finally got my energy back to start again on composing the painting. Now it seems as if one of the disks is partially corrupt. There are at least 100 shots that I cannot open. That narrows my choices down somewhat. Unfortunately the images that won't open are the only shots I took with all 8 of the siblings present. And to top it off, I seem to remember there were some really beautiful shots in there that I would have chosen if going in a different direction. The direction that I now have to go in. Oh darn.
September 2005
It took another two weeks to compose the painting again with all new images. I hope she likes it this time. Her rejection of the first layout that I really loved set a precedence in my head and I can't seem to climb out of that box. And to top it off, now I have bubble butt from sitting in front of my computer for hours at a time for two straight weeks. To be honest, it's probably more from the m&m's I'm bingeing on from frustration.
October 2005
Finally started sketching the figures and working on the faces. It looks good so far. I have one more figure left but it will have to wait until tomorrow because I just can't lift that piece of charcoal one more time today.
Just erased all my sketching as the last figure wasn't fitting on the canvas. Guess I'll have to reduce all the figures and start over. Not sure when that will happen because I have a few other projects in right now that have deadlines. Looks like I will have to put the portrait aside for now. Maybe a break is what I need anyway.
February 23
I decided to let the faces alone for now and worked on the figure ground. Switching over helped me get a better perspective and I could see the entire layout more clearly. The trees behind them, the deck beneath them, both added dimension, structure, interest, etc. and the painting finally started to have a personality. Finding my momentum again, sketching in the figure ground only took one day.
February 24
I started to work on the faces again. I needed something to help me see better when working on small areas such as a face that is only 3-4 inches high, so I created a system of photographing each drawing with my digital camera, put it in photoshop, next to the photo I was working from of each person. That way I could view the drawing side by side with the photograph to get a better comparison. Slowly but surely I was able to correct my distortions even though it was such a long drawn out and painful process. I saved those images for future study because it was astonishing how skewed my drawings had become. I was beginning to believe there was something wrong with my visual perception. Is this what it is like to burn out? I was working so hard but feeling like I was in a daymare of some kind running in waist deep water. I was still in the process of drawing. I hadn't even started the color yet. Maybe I had gone down the rabbit hole and was about to meet Alice. Honestly it wouldn't have surprised me. I probably would have asked directions to the smoking caterpillar.
In the next blog I will write about the rest of my experiences with finishing the painting. Next part, the color is applied ...to be continued.
When I returned home with 900 plus shots of them and started the grueling task of sorting through the images and choosing the best expressions, poses and lighting, I was shocked to discover that the vision I saw for the painting was not in the shots. When I was photographing them it was all kind of a blur. I was sure I got many shots that would work with what I was visualizing. So I had to begin again with what I had, to compose something that would inspire me and that my aunt would love. I worked for 3 weeks everyday in photoshop, searching for just the right faces and poses. When I was finished, I thought I had the best composition I could make with all those disjointed photographs. With love and satisfaction in my heart I emailed the finished composition to my aunt. Now I only had to wait for her to see it and let me know her opinion.
July 2005To say that my aunt did not like my choice in poses would be putting it nicely. She was in no uncertain terms, unhappy about some of the poses I picked. They happened to be my favorite poses so in turn, I was unhappy too. But underneath the unhappiness there was a traumatic letdown that I had misjudged so extremely what my aunt would like. Again I was confronted with a primal fear and felt like I was in an alternate world and couldn't get my bearings. If I could just replace the figures she didn't like that would be fine but each figure was there because it worked with the entire structure of the figure placement. Now that some had to come out, I would have to start over from the beginning. I was so out of breath by this turn of events that I put the portrait away for the time being. I had no idea when I would take it out again.
August 2005
Finally got my energy back to start again on composing the painting. Now it seems as if one of the disks is partially corrupt. There are at least 100 shots that I cannot open. That narrows my choices down somewhat. Unfortunately the images that won't open are the only shots I took with all 8 of the siblings present. And to top it off, I seem to remember there were some really beautiful shots in there that I would have chosen if going in a different direction. The direction that I now have to go in. Oh darn.
September 2005
It took another two weeks to compose the painting again with all new images. I hope she likes it this time. Her rejection of the first layout that I really loved set a precedence in my head and I can't seem to climb out of that box. And to top it off, now I have bubble butt from sitting in front of my computer for hours at a time for two straight weeks. To be honest, it's probably more from the m&m's I'm bingeing on from frustration.
October 2005
Finally started sketching the figures and working on the faces. It looks good so far. I have one more figure left but it will have to wait until tomorrow because I just can't lift that piece of charcoal one more time today.
Just erased all my sketching as the last figure wasn't fitting on the canvas. Guess I'll have to reduce all the figures and start over. Not sure when that will happen because I have a few other projects in right now that have deadlines. Looks like I will have to put the portrait aside for now. Maybe a break is what I need anyway.
My break consisted of 5 months of guilt and beating myself up over not being able to get started back on the portrait.
February 13, 2006
I am finally about to start work on my aunt's painting again. I just took it back out of storage and finished setting it up yesterday. I applaud myself for finally breaking through the inertia I was feeling over this commission. I started by reviewing all the faces, taking out my drawing materials and sitting in front of the white rectangular space, visualizing where each figure would go. This time I would get it on the canvas right. At the end of the day I had not made one mark on the canvas. Maybe tomorrow something will happen.
February 14
Got a good sketch going finally. The figures are placed, now for the details. Guess I will start with Emma. Drew one face each day for the next 8 days. Except for Kelleigh. I worked on her face 5 times. Each time took an entire day. I admit the angle and perspective of her face is not a conventional pose but that is what really attracted me to it. But when I drew her face even though it looked great to me, the next day when I looked at it I could not believe how distorted and wrong it was. I couldn't believe this was happening. Another face was now beginning to give me problems. It was Emma. I ended up changing her 4 or 5 times also. Again, each time I redrew her face it took another whole day. It was no coincidence that the angle of her face was just as complicated and unusual as Kelleigh's. I thought that was why I was having the difficulty until the same distortions turned up in Tim, Jake, Lindy and Levi. The only two faces that emerged effortlessly were Olivia and Micaiah Salvatore. I love that name, Micaiah Salvatore. His smile was so contagious I was grinning just drawing it. Olivia had quite a big grin on her face too. I don't normally like to paint people with big grins showing teeth but these faces worked for me. And still, I couldn't understand why the other six were being so difficult.
February 13, 2006
I am finally about to start work on my aunt's painting again. I just took it back out of storage and finished setting it up yesterday. I applaud myself for finally breaking through the inertia I was feeling over this commission. I started by reviewing all the faces, taking out my drawing materials and sitting in front of the white rectangular space, visualizing where each figure would go. This time I would get it on the canvas right. At the end of the day I had not made one mark on the canvas. Maybe tomorrow something will happen.
February 14
Got a good sketch going finally. The figures are placed, now for the details. Guess I will start with Emma. Drew one face each day for the next 8 days. Except for Kelleigh. I worked on her face 5 times. Each time took an entire day. I admit the angle and perspective of her face is not a conventional pose but that is what really attracted me to it. But when I drew her face even though it looked great to me, the next day when I looked at it I could not believe how distorted and wrong it was. I couldn't believe this was happening. Another face was now beginning to give me problems. It was Emma. I ended up changing her 4 or 5 times also. Again, each time I redrew her face it took another whole day. It was no coincidence that the angle of her face was just as complicated and unusual as Kelleigh's. I thought that was why I was having the difficulty until the same distortions turned up in Tim, Jake, Lindy and Levi. The only two faces that emerged effortlessly were Olivia and Micaiah Salvatore. I love that name, Micaiah Salvatore. His smile was so contagious I was grinning just drawing it. Olivia had quite a big grin on her face too. I don't normally like to paint people with big grins showing teeth but these faces worked for me. And still, I couldn't understand why the other six were being so difficult.
February 23
I decided to let the faces alone for now and worked on the figure ground. Switching over helped me get a better perspective and I could see the entire layout more clearly. The trees behind them, the deck beneath them, both added dimension, structure, interest, etc. and the painting finally started to have a personality. Finding my momentum again, sketching in the figure ground only took one day.
February 24
I started to work on the faces again. I needed something to help me see better when working on small areas such as a face that is only 3-4 inches high, so I created a system of photographing each drawing with my digital camera, put it in photoshop, next to the photo I was working from of each person. That way I could view the drawing side by side with the photograph to get a better comparison. Slowly but surely I was able to correct my distortions even though it was such a long drawn out and painful process. I saved those images for future study because it was astonishing how skewed my drawings had become. I was beginning to believe there was something wrong with my visual perception. Is this what it is like to burn out? I was working so hard but feeling like I was in a daymare of some kind running in waist deep water. I was still in the process of drawing. I hadn't even started the color yet. Maybe I had gone down the rabbit hole and was about to meet Alice. Honestly it wouldn't have surprised me. I probably would have asked directions to the smoking caterpillar.
In the next blog I will write about the rest of my experiences with finishing the painting. Next part, the color is applied ...to be continued.
1 comment:
Donatelli,
This is a GREAT HILARIUS share with other artists as well as your clients. I laughed repeatedly, hearing in my mind your own musical laughter, and wanted to cry, too, but in truth we all know you will persevere, and when it comes to OTC (over the couch) art I'm sure it is not easy, because of its constraints.. . and let's face it
sometimes the limited knowledge of the end customer as to how an artist works. . .did Van Gogh or Leornardo or Kahlo or Cassat get stopped by cynics or critics or relatives? Probably, at times we do not know about. In truth your hilarious story inspired me to try to recollect the pieces of my novel, which has hit all kinds of snags and has had its own disappearing act at least twice, most recently when a guest blew up my computer during a dinner party, and before that when I submitted it to my writing department and they lost the thing, having pulled out bits of it, at which point the whole thing collapsed in (just as my life was doing at that point) because I was really looking for input on what pieces might be missing to link it. . .as in a postmodern linked novel. So, carry on! And while I've never believed in trying, I'll try. Too.
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